When I don't wake up before 9:00 a.m. my cat hates me.
He throws his body against my door with great force and screams for hours.
I want to go let him in but it is too cold.
I am a selfish human and my bed is collapsed in the middle so I can't move.
Sparksy understands this but Steven Seagal is angry.
He is raising his eyebrows with a menacing facial expression.
I am shaking from the cold but I pretend it is from fear and I look at his angry face.
I am aware that if I don't let Sparksy in Steven Seagal is going to break down my door
And then he will put it back on its hinges and break it again with more force than before.
I have seen him break numerous doors on made-for-t.v. movies.
My life is a made-for-t.v. movie.
My cat will eventually give up and I will go back to sleep.
And he will go back to sleep.
And Steven Seagal will remain ever-vigilante.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
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5 comments:
So Vision Video has that deal where you rent 5 non-new release movies for $5. I want to do a Steven Seagal 5 for $5. I will include Under Siege and that movie where he wakes up from a 7 year coma and kills people. I need suggestions for the other three. The only rule is that Steven Seagal has to be in a lead role. Ryan, thank you for inspiring my desire to see Steven Seagal movies.
i lack proper movie knowledge.
this link leads to knowledge.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Best-Steven-Seagal-Movies/lm/1PAM3IFCTNPP7
you are welcome.
have you tried the energy drinks?
they are 16 oz cans for 1 dollar at wal-mart.
they are in the "fresh foods" section near the grocery side exit.
amazing.
i've settled on 5 steven seagal movies. for each, i will list the title, the name of steven seagal's character, and IMDB's plot keywords.
1. Under Siege; Casey Ryback; 'Breasts,' 'Stabbed In The Head,' 'Navy Seal,' 'Blood,' 'Anchor.'
2. Under Siege 2: Dark Territory; Casey Ryback; 'Train Hijack,' 'Computer Cracker,' 'Global Positioning System,' 'Railway,' 'Helicopter Rescue.'
3. Hard To Kill; Mason Storm; 'Loss Of Wife,' 'Comatose,' 'Coma,' 'Fugitive,' 'Political Corruption.'
4. Exit Wounds; Orin Boyd; 'Helicopter,' 'Chase,' 'Drug Dealing,' 'Heroin,' 'Martial Arts.'
5. Half Past Dead; Sasha Petrosovich; 'Critically Bashed,' 'Die Hard Scenario,' 'Body Landing On Car,' 'Helicopter,' 'Machine Gun.'
IMDB plot keywords are my new favorite thing in life.
i have yet to try the steven seagal energy drink. i've been drinking some carbonated green tea energy stuff that i think is being marketed toward girls. oh well.
those plot keywords seem pretty spot on for steven seagal.
green tea is good.
carbonation is good.
girls are good.
steven seagal and dmx movie on tbs tonight.
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